Twice As Nice?

Here I am, two years and 5 days after my 1st cochlear implant surgery, looking ahead to my 2nd implantation 14 days from now. How do I feel? Nervous. Excited. Anxious. Worried.

But definitely ready.

A lot of things brought me to this point but none of the reasons include being dissatisfied. Rather, they are the exact opposite: I want more.

Before I go down that road, let me back up and recap life since my last post which was just 4 months after my 1st implant activation. So much has changed! At my most recent sound mapping in August 2008, I was able to successfully recognize over 90% of spoken speech in the formidable sound booth. Before my implant, with hearing aids, I scored a 3%. That 90% translates into:

1) Regular phone conversations with my parents, husband, and good friends who live elsewhere in this country
2) I listen to NPR on the radio every day during my commute to work...and I understand! For instance, I listened to a fascinating story this evening about the impact the stimulus bill is having on Colorado's department of transportation. They're widening the Almeda bridge over I25 and this project will cost $42 million dollar, $22m of which is coming from the stimulus bill. (And I got all of this without any sort of captioning or someone interpreting. Me! My own ear!!!!)
3) I am learning how to multitask, listening to someone talk and feed me information while I'm doing something else - more importantly, LOOKING somewhere else (other than lips!) I can take notes during meetings, glance at a menu while a waiter is telling me the specials, or just stare at a wall during a conversation that is boring me to tears. I have options, my friends!
4) I'm constantly amazed by sounds outside: snow crunching under my skis; birds chirping during bike rides (my favorite); water trickling against a rock; wind rustling leaves; the whining of my dogs when we stop for lunch on a hike...I could go on and on. My world has completely opened up in terms of sound. I am so much more aware of everything around me that sometimes it can be very overwhelming.

If I'm so happy and the quality of my life has dramatically improved, why get a 2nd? Well... honestly? I miss hearing out of both ears. I miss having a sense of directionality of where sound is coming from. When someone speaks in a group, I have to quickly scan everyone's face to find those elusive moving lips. I tried wearing my hearing aid in my un-implanted ear but gave up after about two weeks. The sound quality does not even compare. Its like driving a Geo Metro when you have a Ferrari in the garage. Or eating Ramen Noodles when you could have lobster. When I put that hearing aid in for the 1st time in 6 months, I was shocked. I actually couldn't believe I wore them for 25 years. Then, when I had my preconsulation testing last month, and I failed miserably with the sound comprehension testing, I was actually depressed. I knew I'd do bad, that was the whole point behind getting cochlear implants. But to be so vividly reminded of how little sound comprehension I had, hit me hard.

A 2nd implant will give me directionatily. I will have to start all over again in terms of my brain understanding sounds through the implant. Each day, I will need to dedicate a certain amount of time to listening with my new implant. It'll take a long time to get my new implant to a comparable place where I am with my existing implant, but I'll get there.

I'm actually more nervous this time around. Have you ever felt like you had it so good, something was going to go wrong? Or that you were putting all of your eggs in one basket? I know I'm being paranoid and that everything will work out fine....but thats the funny thing about paranoia - it can be hard to shake. I'm also dreading the return of the robots. See, when I gave up my hearing aids, I didn't perceive the road ahead of me as long and hard. I saw it as an upward climb toward nothing but good and progress.

This 2nd time around, I know exactly how far I have to go. And this is more intimdating to me than any marathon I've run or hike I've climbed.

My surgery date is March 25. I'm fortunate enough that my wonderful, loving mother-in-law, Jane, is flying out to babysit me. She'll make sure I don't crash to the floor when the vertigo pays a return visit, keep my bandages fresh, and feed me lots of lala-land pills.

All my worries and anxieties aside, I'm truly looking forward to the end result. I know I'm in good hands because I work alongside these people everyday at the Marion Downs Hearing Center. They'll take good care of me.

Well...here we go again! My next post will be shortly after I'm officially bilaterally bionic!